These two are notable in the grand scheme of Tinder stories because they have one thing in common: they are mistakes. They have taught me to be more careful in who I decide to meet and even who I swipe right on. Sometimes the crappiest humans teach you how to raise your standards by accident. Thanks, guys. Its time to recount these situations that I will shove back into the “Not to be Remembered” pile of my brain.
This one is recent, unfortunately. Surprise surprise, I have a screenshot of the first message that he sent to me.
Wow, he is really funny right? Here is the thing about funny people: there is a reason they are funny. As a self-certified ~humorous~ woman, I can honestly say that it is because of the events that occurred when I was younger that made me who I am. I was constantly told to stop talking or to not do that so I took that as a challenge and just became the annoying clown who would do anything to make a person laugh. So, I did do that.
Back to Guy #3, he must have had a girl who seriously damaged him. He was entertaining via text so I was willing to meet him at least once. We hung out one night after I went to the bars and I remember laying on his living room floor, petting his dog, and thinking that this isn’t too bad. Once I managed to pull myself off the floor, I noticed that a lot of people were coming in and out of his apartment while he was sitting on the couch. Guy #3 was weird in the way that he wasn’t really explaining who these people were or even talking to me. He even left his apartment at one point to go give something to his friend and even got pizza… without me. This might sound silly, but it showed inconsideration, which is horribly unattractive. When he came back, I had already formed a strong bond with his dog so I couldn’t angrily leave for home just yet.
We talked for a little while longer until another friend came in the apartment. His friend gave me one glance out of the 10 minutes that he was standing in front of us. He was rambling about something to do with their other friend, so drunk me was trying to process why he was obstructing my view of the TV. Then he did something that made me want to scream. He plopped down next to me, pulled out a bag of cocaine, and did a line on the living room table. You know, I’m aware that I attend Indiana University and this can be a common occurrence, but I was not equipped to act normal in that situation. Guy #3 was on my left and Cocaine Monster was on my right. I was already curled into a ball facing the TV, so I completely turned away from what just happened and faced Guy #3. I remember staring wide-eyed at him, horrified. I think being drunk didn’t help the dramatics inside of my brain, but he was just so damn casual about the situation that I was freaked out. After 5 more minutes of the guy rambling about unimportant things, he left. Guy #3 let out a loud laugh and looked at me. “He’s coked up a lot. I used to sell it. Not anymore.” Okay that really cleared it up, thank you. Time went on and I finally relaxed again. This guy also stayed on his phone 89% of the time, so I must have been boring.
He was a shitty kisser, and there was spit all over my face. I don’t know how my shirt came off, but it did. Then we went to his room and he managed to take my jeans off. This is the part that pisses me off most and what qualifies him as a “mistake”. I grabbed his face and said, “I am not having sex with you.” He kind of smirked so I grabbed his face again, harder this time. “I am NOT having sex with you. I’m not joking.” His face fell and he asked why. I thought to myself, this entire situation is a shit show, does he really think adding his penis to the mix would help? I just told him that I have the Rule, which is valid. He was post-Rule, so I took the smart approach I guess. Or as smart as I could have been in that situation. We kissed a little more and he had the audacity to get it out. I said no, angrily and ended everything right there. I learned after that night that someone else in my life has had to deal with him before too and he has been known to take a no as a yes. He kept trying to text and snapchat me for weeks after, but I didn’t want to embarrass my friend and tell him the complete truth of why I didn’t ever want to speak to him again. I blocked him and never looked back. He disgusted me in the moment, he disgusted me after, and he disgusts me to this day. I hope a wake up call comes your way, #3.
Welcome to the reason that I have the Rule.
This one was a drunken mistake that I made this summer and I never looked back. He went to Purdue and was about to graduate at the end of summer. The combination of his pictures, bio, and conversation skills lead me to believe that he was shy. He was not shy. From the moment I met him, he bragged on and on about how great his life was. He seemed boring and really full of himself, so I stopped caring immediately.
Somehow we ended up watching a movie, which made him shut up a little bit. Back then, I thought kissing someone was a nice opt out of awkward conversation (I know that is insane, but it was what it was). We did that for a while and then ended up in his room. He didn’t force me to do anything, it was equally my doing. I slept with him that night and it still sucks to this day. The way I felt, the room I was in, the plate (or mass of socks) that was underneath me… Everything was wrong. I wasn’t supposed to feel like that.
Unfortunately, a lot of women end up in these situations in their 20’s. They don’t know how to say no. I discovered that I am a person who enjoys strict guidelines to things that I feel as if I don’t have control over. Men were a tough thing to get control over for me. The Rule has transformed the way I perceive every feeling when I first meet a guy. Thank you, self. Its okay to mess up sometimes, but please realize that you are better than that. Always be better than who you were 6 months ago.
There was a fifth guy that I wanted to write about, but his story is so unnecessary to me that I don’t want to. I don’t need to. I don’t need to acknowledge any of these people who made me feel the way that I did in those few moments, but I wanted to share my experience from at least two of them. I recognized that I am in control of my own consent because of Guy #3. I developed an entire rule because of Guy #4. These realizations have saved me approximately 5 times this semester alone.
I want to share my experiences with whoever is reading my blog, because I know dating is scary. Hooking up is terrifying, boys are awful, and the world is upside down most of the time. But the truth is that boys aren’t always awful, sometimes the way you handle situations is awful. Learn from your mistakes and grow.
You will inevitably come across your own Guy #3 and Guy #4 in your lifetime, but they will teach you to never let someone have the power over your consent or the way you feel. You have control over your consent, so show it. If someone disrespects the consent you have, they do not need to be in your life. You are never alone.
Happy Friday, love yourself and others.