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Tinder Guy #1: Drug Suitcase Boy

I’m going to leave names out of these posts because I’m a super ~respectable~ woman and I don’t want to get sued by someone’s dad. Let’s start with Tinder Guy #1, as in literally the first one ever in my life.

This was 2 1/2 years ago, so 18 year old Stephanie was a newbie at the Tinder game and really at boys in general. It was June 2015 and I was serving at the restaurant I work at back home. It was about 9pm and I didn’t have any plans for the night. Then I saw a message from guy #1 asking if I had any plans, so perfect timing, right?

He was the tall, blonde, fratty football type that never appealed to me before that day. I decided what the hell, lets do this thing. He went to a private college in the next town over.

I sent my location to the 5 girls I worked with that night and went home to get ready. I was really nervous because I had never done anything like this before. What do I say? How do I act? Are we going to have sex? Will this turn into something serious? Who is going to organize my funeral? You know, common questions.

He told me he was dog sitting for his aunt in West Lafayette, so I put the address in Google Maps and remember getting even more nervous because his location looked like it was in the middle of THE FOREST. Okay, there aren’t any forests in the middle of West Lafayette, but I assumed the worst. As I drove there, I got those nervous rumbles in my stomach and thought about turning around. But I didn’t. I pulled in the drive way and texted him, fully expecting some balding, 54 year old catfish to walk out of the house… But I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that he was gorgeous. He also had a cute puppy next to him. He gave me a hug and we headed inside. He offered to go get me a beer and I sat on one end of the couch while he was on the other. I appreciated that he didn’t immediately sit next to me, but he scooted closer as time went on.

I thought he was pretty interesting and he was telling me what his family was like and I realized that I knew who his family was. I learned that he was probably one of the wealthiest people in town, which was intimidating because I lived in a closet once.

He did have a strange look in his eye, which I have never admitted to anyone before this day. That look was a warning sign, and I should have taken it. He asked me if he could kiss me. Guys reading this, there is nothing more unattractive than a man asking a woman if he has permission to kiss her. I am 100% one of those people that preaches about consent, but if you can’t sense that she wants to kiss you in that moment, you should probably just assume its a no. That kiss was bad and makes me cringe to this day.

Oh, and the name of this post comes from the fact that he asked me “do you smoke?”, I replied with “smoke what?”, which should have been a sign to him that no, no I don’t. He ignored my comment and said “watch this” and pulled something out from under the couch. It was a small suitcase full of drugs. Marijuana, edibles, pills, cocaine, and other colors and powders I couldn’t decipher. I said “oh, I don’t do any of that” hoping that I could still keep some respect from my mother. He looked disappointed and slid that bad boy back under the couch where it belonged.

Things escalated because I was curious of what his abs looked like, but I was confident that I wouldn’t let it go too far. It actually went really far and I said no. I am one of those women that men groan about because I change my mind instantly. Funny enough, I seem as if I change my mind instantly but I usually start thinking about saying no from the moment I meet guys. I know, I’m the worst.

I didn’t hear from guy #1 until a year later when I was laying in bed and I get a text. He said that he transferred to IU and he wanted to make some new friends. Apparently, this includes me coming over at 11pm. I almost did it. I almost left my apartment and did it. My roommate looked him up on Facebook before I went and we discovered some valuable information.

He had a girlfriend. For two years. He had a girlfriend when I met him the first time and he had a girlfriend when he asked me to come over a year later. Its not a great feeling to be “that girl”, especially on accident. I asked him how his girlfriend was and he replied with “woah, stephanie I just wanted to be friends”. You’re right, how stupid of me.

So, check your facts before hanging out with someone. Cross reference their social media, ask them some questions, and be careful before you meet them. The mom in me wants to advise you to meet in a public place for the first time or send your location to 5 friends if you go to their place. If you don’t, you could become a homewrecker with a newfound love for cocaine.

Happy humpday!

Funny Personal Relationships

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