I’m sitting at my desk writing this post at 11:45 on a Tuesday night. I don’t know what it is, but I feel compelled to share my thoughts on love. I wouldn’t say that I’m some love expert, because I am definitely not. I love to love people, but I’m not so sure that I’m good at it.
The ability of loving others isn’t given to a person at birth. Love is taught through trial and error. It is scary not knowing the end result, but taking chances is love’s main purpose. I do know that the outcome always teaches me something. I learn how to love the next person in my life a little bit better because of the trial and error I went through with the people before them. I’m not just talking about significant others when I say “the people before them”, because this includes friends, family members, and anyone else that impacts a person’s life.
For instance, my first best friend. We will call her Rose. She was everything I needed at the age of 14. She was kind, thoughtful, and always down to give advice. I needed her in my life when my dad died because she helped me find myself again. Me and Rose were best friends for 2 years before she had to move away. I was devastated. The person who helped me so much in my time of need had to leave and start a new life. She came back a year later with a new attitude and a new goal in life. Rose wanted to be first at everything. She was one of the smartest girls in our class and quickly rose to the top in show choir. We didn’t reconnect like I figured we would and it didn’t make sense. My heart ached because we really didn’t talk after the day she moved away. Not when she came back in town and not even when she bumped into me in the hallway. Now that I am older I realized she was in my life for a reason. I was meant to love her when she was figuring herself out and I encouraged her to pursue the life she wanted. She was meant to love me when I needed someone to guide me back to reality. Love doesn’t always end the way we expect, but like I said before… It will always teach you a lesson.
Love is in the asthma-inducing laughter I feel after a night with my best friends. Love is in the advice my sweet little Maggie gives me. Love is baked into your mom’s third helping of lasagna. Love is in that spark you feel when you kiss someone for the first time or for the four hundredth time. It just kind of happens and it is everywhere.
All I know is that love shouldn’t be complicated. Your entire life can be a fucked up mess, but you should be able to confidently say you love a person without any complications. If you ever get that dull, numbing pain when you think about someone in your life… Let them go. Please, let them go. There is someone else out there willing to love them. If you are on the other end of the stick, I know how that feels as well. You don’t understand why someone is letting you go, you’re mad, you’re hurt. Just know that it is for a reason. Even if you have the shittiest ex boyfriend on the planet, he is your ex for a reason and you dated him for a reason. He may have said “its not you, its me” or “i’m just not in the right place right now” or whatever bullshit excuse he used on you… That led to you keeping your head held high when all you wanted to do was crash and burn.
I’ve been hurting a lot of people lately. I don’t have any excuses. I just have the truth. I get bored easily and it takes a lot for someone to take my heart from the firm grip I have on it. I can apologize and make up some crap about how I’m going through some things right now, but all I really want to say is that… Love. Shouldn’t. Be. Complicated. If I don’t have those feelings for someone I shouldn’t have to pretend. I should keep living my life and quite possibly fall face first for the right person. Or run into some girl at the store with my cart and end up becoming best friends with her. Shit happens, but you have to remember that love is important, but it shouldn’t be complicated.