If anyone knows me at all, you know that I am completely unpredictable. I didn’t think about this important quality about myself until I was driving back to Bloomington yesterday morning.
I’ve realized that my friends flinch every time I talk to them and gesture with my hands (because I’m dramatic af). It’s this small effect that I have on people. You never know if I’m going to hit or hug you. Sounds like a difficult time for my friends, right? They can get over it.
One of my wonderful sisters explained to me a couple months ago that I am aggressively happy. Okay, so does that mean that I am simultaneously happy and pissed off at the same time? Nah, I’m just very expressive with my emotions. I didn’t realize that this was the perfect descriptor of myself until she told me. Obviously, it’s now my insta bio.
Being unpredictable can also qualify as going out on a whim and moving across the country for college. I went to the University of Tampa for really no reason other than the fact that I like change. I like feeling alive and adventurous. I like being unpredictable. Always daring to go against other people’s expectations. I was always expected to be a perfect child when I was growing up. Never talking back, never cracking the jokes that were waiting on the tip of my tongue. When I did the most unpredictable act (moving to Tampa), something clicked. I wasn’t my happiest growing up because I was pretending. Pretending to be a girl that I definitely wasn’t meant to be. Being inappropriate and goofy is my thing, yet I was taught to be seen but not heard. I’m 4’11” with a huge mouth, so I am heard more than seen.
Predictability is safe and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You want to be able to predict your car payment, if you can pay your rent this month, or if you can afford that $5 coffee today (yes, of course you can.. live your life). But I crave the smaller things in life to be unpredictable. Unpredictability is exciting and pretty unconventional. Think of it as listening to your heart instead of your head. I do this way too often. In my mind (or my heart, I guess), if I can’t rationalize a decision based on what my heart wants, what’s the point?
I want to be a wedding planner one day. I want to give people the easiest, most enjoyable day of their lives. Obviously, I have to predict how my work will pan out while helping the bride and groom plan their day. You don’t plan the unpredictable things at a weddings, such as: someone’s uncle getting drunk and streaking across the dance floor, cake getting in the bride’s hair, or that the groom’s grandma knows how to dougie. Guests might remember the beautiful flowers displayed in the room, but you can count on them remembering the naked guy running across the floor. Its the little things.
I don’t know, I have this hunger to be different. I dare to be weird, blow people’s minds. Everyone has an identifier such as: nerd, priss, edgy, crazy, etc.
My identifier is and forever will be: unpredictable.