I want to preface this post by saying that I am happy as can be and I honestly don’t mind coming in second. Also what the hell do I mean by “coming in second” you ask? Well tighten your f**king seat belt and let me tell you.
I wasn’t allowed to be in extracurricular activities, sports, clubs, etc in school because my parents refused to pay the fees for them. When I got a job junior year of high school, I finally had some money to do what I wanted. My boyfriend at the time pushed me to audition for show choir because I really enjoyed singing. I had no idea how auditions worked but I gave it a shot. There were two choirs: coed and all girls. The coed was always known as the better choir, just because it had been since the beginning of time. I practiced for weeks for my audition and did not get in. I was angry, frustrated, confused, and asked myself why I wasn’t good enough. Luckily, I had the opportunity to join the girls choir instead. I got over the fact that I wanted to be in the coed choir because I immediately fell in love with the girls that I was honored to rehearse with every day.
What I thought: The only way to succeed and have fun with music was with boys dancing by my side.
What I got: I didn’t need a penis dancing next to me to ensure I’d have a great senior year when I had over 50 fabulous ladies to harmonize with instead.
When I transferred to IU I wanted to continue showing my love for music, but with my unlucky track record I wasn’t sure that I would get to where I wanted to be. IU has their own version of show choir, and they are also coed. So why not give it a try? I remember shaking and being so nervous to audition in front of the 15 people in the room. I had practiced all summer and wanted to show them what I could bring to the table. I didn’t receive a callback, and I was crushed. But once again, I got over it and looked for other ways to spend my time. The following year I auditioned for the same choir again. I wasn’t nervous. Not even a little bit. Because you know what? Its okay not to make it into something, because at least you tried. This time around, I received a callback. I was so so excited and then I quickly became nervous. I never thought I would get this far… The day after I auditioned, I received an email from the director. She told me how absolutely amazing I was as a person and how much courage it must have taken to come back into that room. She simply told me that my voice was a little different from everyone else’s. That I had an extraordinary, jazzy voice that should be heard by everyone. She then explained that I did not blend well with other vocalists, and that wasn’t a bad thing. It just meant that I would have a harder time in the choir than other people. So I didn’t get into the choir that I wanted, but I finally understood why.
What I thought: Being in choir in college was the only way to get my voice heard.
What I got: I have this bad ass voice that stands out from all the others, and being in a choir full of talented people is not the only way to be heard.
Ever since college became present in my mind, greek life sounded like wonderland to me. I am outgoing, charismatic, lovable, and philanthropic as f**k. I didn’t make many friends when I transferred, so I was ecstatic to branch out. I never listened to what people said about the 22 sororities on our campus, so my mind was wide open. I figured I would end up in one of the 19 housed sororities, just because there were so many. But since my mind was wide open, I fell in love with a variety of chapters and ended up choosing an unhoused one. I quickly realized that some people look at you differently when you are wearing letters that belong to an unhoused chapter. Those people may even look down at you. It happens more than I’d like to admit and I have to remind myself that my sisters are so absolutely amazing and walls do not define our sisterhood.
What I thought: The sorority that I was meant to be apart of was housed.
What I got: You don’t need a house to have an amazing bond with 150 women. I have found my soulmates, bridesmaids, and lifelong friends because my heart urged me to choose an organization that I may not have originally thought about.
ALL IN ALL, “coming in second” isn’t literally placing second in a track meet. It just means that not making it into the choir you originally wanted or not joining the sorority you thought you would is not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean you won’t end up somewhere wonderful. I have the most giggle-filled, loving, and enriching life I could ask for. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I would have went down the “traditional” path. So thank you to the directors that rejected me and urged me to be an individual. Thank you to the girls that didn’t want me in their chapters because I didn’t “look the part”. Thank you. I’m finally where I need to be.